1. |
I've Forgotten Your Name
06:09
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i'm counting my teeth again
it's not just sport
it's my job
chattering 1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3
it's not you, it's me
it's not you but me
freedom restrained by all the things i can't see
come up with names for everyone who's not me
the banjo guy at the park
the woman who always wears sunglasses
the androgynous child with long hair
the woman who's always "going"
the bearded man who's grateful for a smirk
the one who laughs and laughs
and i laugh, even though i never know why she's laughing
but i've forgotten your name
i couldn't recall if i tried
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2. |
Dad's Eyes
06:34
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feels from without
untying knots on the inside
i'm moving at pace
with the trees outside my place
and the streets with people who
i try to keep in mind
those black reflexive eyes
hers blue
hers green
his too
and i hone my unraveling skills
when i think about how
my dad told me
his eyes changed from brown to green
in his teens
and his musical taste
began to change sound
i look to your gaze
to catch a glimpse of us
like how a window
loses its view in a well-lit room
this reflection is new
and now i feel it changing me too
the smell of fall
laced with sweet city stench
i'm still learning how to juggle the past and the present
leaves don't change prettier shades of orange, red, and yellow
in the south
just different ones
at least that's what i tell myself
and you help me enjoy them all the same
the shapeliness of difference
the beauty of shapeless sameness
the constant destruction and reformatting of the two
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3. |
Carte Blanche
04:24
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white walls that couldn't stay that way for long
marble floors echo we're still too young
and the neighbor calls me boy
but if i had my choice
i would've proved her wrong
what the hell is carte blanche
i think to myself as mom makes lunch
a recipe she learned from nana
i guess we felt free for a bit
but it came with a gut punch
these walls were eggshell when we got here
now our feet feel their crunch
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4. |
I Lost My Name
01:10
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i lost my name
pieces under a pile
of indifferent clothes on my bed
it was written on the hairs
that fell off your head
and the design of a t-shirt
i wear now that's red
at dia beacon
waiting for a future date
roaming halls
round a brooklyn apartment
or maybe somewhere
in a southern state
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5. |
racecar
04:29
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i found life's whole meaning
in a tiny red car
and formed my existence
with the colors of christmas
now all i hear is
your old voice in my head
but it starts to sound distant
and fades with the colors of christmas
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6. |
David's Son
02:53
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david's son doesn't look ahead
it hurts him to know that he's already dead
and for awhile i stopped alluding to things
i lucid dreamt in my bed
as if your eyes could see what mine do
and my words in a cave won't just blind you
like how you said, "damnit, stop looking behind you"
and i stopped to ask, "what do you mean?"
but i'm still working on building this home
there's only one christ
but he's not alone
i know those ghosts lived a long time ago
but he made ghosts of us all
and i can't help but find you in falling snow
as it blankets the earth and turns everything white
it falls on my coat and i know its alright
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7. |
My Other is a Fish
05:07
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fish are dying
all along the coast
and as if you were one of them
who could breathe on land
you made a show of it
wanting to put an end to it
if you are what you love,
then i'm a fish
but my gills phased out
millions of years ago
i barely get by breathing air
but when you asked what i'd do
if i got caught in the current
i knew i'd always be there
swirling eternally
like some ancient tetrapod
or an angelic thing
meeting an aquatic god
if you are what you love,
then i'll be the oceans
but fish are still dying
in their murky homes
and i think about them
and i care for them
but when i see their ghosts
float to the surface now
i look on from the shoreline
'cause i can swim
but it's not who i am
if my body got caught
in the current now
i would just wash up on land
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8. |
Cora
02:14
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you told me about cora
and how she got cancer
three or four times
and you cried when she died
you'd shared a name your whole life
we biked around her town
and i remember looking down
and forgetting how
i used to think
my body moved without you
and everyone else
i won't see like an eye again
i won't see like an i again
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Nick Nicewonder New York, New York
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